Posts tagged life

-To love and be loved by the same person for the rest of at least one of our lives.

-To have at least one child and give them a better life than I had.

-Do something helpful and meaningful.

-Enjoy what I do for the rest of my life.

-Be happy.

Are those so hard to ask for?

Probably…

That if, by some bullshit chance, everything that happens to you during your life is controlled by someone or something, that there’s a little meeting that happens in order to try to fuck your life over some more? Like, I’m picturing this sort of casual encounter going on:

Dick1: Oh, hey there, David. What’s up?

Dick2: Oh, nothing much. Been browsing the internet and what not. What’s up with you.

Dick1: Nothing much here. *glances at screen for business* Hey, dude. How often have you been checking that?

Dick2: Oh, shit. It’s been a while.

Dick1: How long is a while?

Dick2: Uhh… at least a few months now.

Dick1: Seriously, Dave?

Dick2: Hey, it happens. You get preoccupied with other things. Don’t tell me that you haven’t done that before.

Dick1: That’s true. Let’s see what you have on your plate.

*both look at screen*

Dick1: Are you seeing what I’m seeing?

Dick2: … I think so.

Dick1: I must be imagining things.

Dick2: No, man. She’s. Actually. Happy.

Dick1: Fuck, man. This is why you need to pay attention more often.

Dick2: Sorry. It won’t happen again. Let me fix that. *presses the button the fucks up all the good things in your life* That should do it.

Dick1: Haha! She’s such an emotional wreck. She’s even cutting herself again. Good work, man.

Dick2: Gotta make up for lost time!

-End of Conversation-

Seriously. This must happen because whenever I let my guard down and go, “Okay, I can accept this. I’m allowed to be happy and get comfortable. It’s okay to just let yourself be vunerable because if you don’t allow yourself to be, you’ll never get to experience the best things in life, like love.” And then just shit happens. It’s hard to get over a break up when you still love the person and are forced to greet him and see him on a regular basis. This isn’t fair, but life isn’t a wish-granting factory, so I guess I should just either get over it, or get over life.

Fuck.

I just want to stop living.

It would be so much easier than to live, so why does everyone fight to continue to suffer?

I wonder if good things are to come.

Pshh… Look at me try to comfort myself with bullshit.

Basics:

-Boyfriend dumped me recently, and I’m still trying to get over it.

-Had a relapse with cutting not too long ago. Might happen more often.

-Started taking my anti-depressants again.

-Been extremely depressed and prone to crying.

-Having awesome times with awesome people and feeling special.

-Going between hating life and loving life.

-Little sleep and not eating properly.

I’ll rant about certain things when I wouldn’t mind crying over them, but it’s late, and I want to fall asleep in a good mood.